\u00d6l\u00fcl\u0259r s\u00f6hb\u0259tcil olmasa da, yax\u015f\u0131 dinl\u0259yicidi. Bel\u0259c\u0259, atamla xeyli d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fdim, el\u0259 bil ki\u015fi diriydi, s\u0259ssiz-s\u0259mirsiz dayan\u0131b dinl\u0259yir m\u0259ni. \u00dcr\u0259yimi a\u00e7\u0131b Tamara bar\u0259d\u0259, u\u015faq bar\u0259d\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, q\u0259rar\u0131m\u0131z ciddidi, b\u0259lk\u0259 evl\u0259ndik dey\u0259, xeyir-duas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259dim. Susurdu, dem\u0259li, raz\u0131yd\u0131. Q\u0259rib\u0259di, xat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m q\u0259d\u0259r atam b\u00fct\u00fcn \u015f\u0259kill\u0259rind\u0259 \u00e7ox z\u0259hmli, qaraqaba\u011f d\u00fc\u015f\u0259rdi, amma, n\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259, ba\u015fda\u015f\u0131ndak\u0131 \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yirdi. B\u0259lk\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lirdi?<\/p>\n
\u018flb\u0259tt\u0259, anam bar\u0259d\u0259 he\u00e7 n\u0259 dem\u0259dim. Yad\u0131na sal\u0131b narahat ruhunu incitm\u0259k ist\u0259mirdim. Ruhlar diridirs\u0259, dem\u0259li, m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259d\u0259n agah olmal\u0131yd\u0131…<\/p>\n
Babam, m\u0259n q\u0259biristanl\u0131qdan qay\u0131danda bir budu yeyilmi\u015f toyu\u011fu par\u00e7alay\u0131b masadak\u0131 nim\u00e7\u0259l\u0259r\u0259 qoyurdu. \u00c7\u00f6r\u0259k, g\u00f6y-g\u00f6y\u0259rti, pomidor-xiyar salat\u0131, motal pendiri d\u0259 \u00f6z yerind\u0259. M\u0259ni g\u00f6rc\u0259k:<\/p>\n
– \u018flini yu, – dedi, – g\u0259l, d\u00fcn\u0259n ax\u015fam bi\u015firmi\u015f\u0259m, bo\u011faz\u0131mdan birc\u0259 tik\u0259 g\u00fccn\u0259n ke\u00e7mi\u015fdi. N\u0259n\u0259n r\u0259hm\u0259t\u0259 ged\u0259nn\u0259n t\u0259k yey\u0259 bilmir\u0259m, el\u0259 bil bo\u011faz\u0131m q\u0131f\u0131llan\u0131b… H\u0259y\u0259t \u00e7olpas\u0131d\u0131. S\u0259nin qism\u0259tin imi\u015f. G\u0259l… – Boyat t\u0259ndir \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259yini ikiy\u0259 b\u00f6ld\u00fc. – H\u0259, nu\u015f el\u0259. S\u0259n\u0259 bax\u0131b m\u0259n d\u0259 tik\u0259 el\u0259dim b\u0259lk\u0259.<\/p>\n
M\u0259n yedikc\u0259 babam\u0131n yor\u011fun g\u00f6zl\u0259ri g\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc, dem\u0259li, \u00fcr\u0259yi sevinir, n\u0259v\u0259sini g\u00f6rm\u0259kd\u0259 m\u0259mnun g\u00f6rs\u0259nirdi, h\u0259l\u0259 i\u015ftahas\u0131 da a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Bu m\u0259n\u0259 l\u0259zz\u0259t el\u0259yirdi.<\/p>\n
Yem\u0259kd\u0259n sonra s\u00fcfr\u0259ni y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131m, babam etiraz ets\u0259 d\u0259, qablar\u0131 yuyub\u00a0 qurulad\u0131m.\u00a0 El\u0259 bil\u00a0 i\u015fimi bitirm\u0259yimi g\u00f6z\u0259yirdi, oturan kimi\u00a0 m\u0259ni xeyli sor\u011fu-suala tutdu. H\u0259r \u015feyl\u0259 maraqlan\u0131rd\u0131 ki\u015fi. \u00c7al\u0131\u015f\u0131rd\u0131m suallar\u0131na \u0259trafl\u0131, h\u0259m d\u0259 ehtiyatla cavab ver\u0259m ki, s\u00f6z\u00fcmd\u0259n s\u00f6z tutmas\u0131n. Dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131qca d\u00fcz g\u00f6zl\u0259rimin i\u00e7in\u0259 bax\u0131rd\u0131 ki, yalan-palan\u0131m yoxdu? Ki\u015fi k\u00f6hn\u0259 at\u0131c\u0131yd\u0131, g\u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n he\u00e7 n\u0259 yay\u0131nmazd\u0131.<\/p>\n
Uzaqlara ged\u0259c\u0259yimi dem\u0259s\u0259m d\u0259, babam n\u0259s\u0259 duymu\u015fdu. Soru\u015fdu ki, yola \u00e7\u0131xan adama ox\u015fay\u0131rsan, a bala, narahatsan, \u00e7ox \u0259s\u0259bi, h\u0259m d\u0259 yor\u011fun g\u00f6r\u00fcn\u00fcrs\u0259n, fikrin n\u0259di? M\u0259n: “he\u00e7…” – dedim. Ancaq babam\u0131 “yola verm\u0259k” m\u00fcmk\u00fcn deyildi. Ciddi g\u00f6rk\u0259m al\u0131b t\u0259mkinl\u0259 dedi:<\/p>\n
– Day yek\u0259 ki\u015fis\u0259n, \u0259sg\u0259rlikd\u0259n qay\u0131tm\u0131san, indi \u00f6z yolunu \u00f6z\u00fcn se\u00e7m\u0259lis\u0259n. Onsuz da indiki cavanlara deyil\u0259n s\u00f6z havada qal\u0131r, ay o\u011ful, n\u0259 des\u0259m qula\u011f\u0131na \u00e7atmayacaq. Zamana d\u0259yi\u015fib e, indikil\u0259r day a\u011fsaqqal \u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcn\u0259 fikir vermirl\u0259r… \u00dcmid edir\u0259m, n\u0259 ed\u0259c\u0259yini yax\u015f\u0131 bilirs\u0259n. Dinmirs\u0259n?<\/p>\n
Ki\u015fi m\u0259nd\u0259n s\u00f6z qopartmaq ist\u0259yir, m\u0259ns\u0259 onu raz\u0131 salmaqdan \u00f6t\u0259ri n\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259yimi bilmirdim.<\/p>\n
Dinm\u0259diyimi g\u00f6r\u00fcb ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 bulad\u0131, durub t\u0259z\u0259d\u0259n samovara od sald\u0131. Ancaq qula\u011f\u0131 m\u0259nd\u0259ydi, s\u00f6z g\u00f6zl\u0259yirdi.<\/p>\n
Qa\u015f qaralandan sonra sarma\u015f\u0131ql\u0131 eyvanda itburnu \u00e7ay\u0131 i\u00e7\u0259-i\u00e7\u0259 xeyli d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fdik. Babam dan\u0131\u015fa-dan\u0131\u015fa g\u00f6zl\u0259rini k\u00fc\u00e7\u0259 qap\u0131s\u0131na dikmi\u015fdi, adam g\u00f6zl\u0259yirmi\u015f kimi g\u00f6zl\u0259ri yol \u00e7\u0259kirdi. Bilirdim ki, k\u0259nd yerind\u0259 qonaq ged\u0259n \u015f\u0259h\u0259rd\u0259kil\u0259r kimi qabaqcadan x\u0259b\u0259rdarl\u0131q el\u0259mir, \u00fcr\u0259yi ist\u0259y\u0259nd\u0259 durub g\u0259lir, lap \u015f\u0259r qar\u0131\u015fandan sonra da. Maraq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn soru\u015fdum:<\/p>\n
– Qona\u011f\u0131n g\u0259l\u0259c\u0259k, baba?<\/p>\n
Ki\u015finin q\u0131r\u0131\u015f\u0131\u011f\u0131 a\u00e7\u0131lsa da n\u0259z\u0259rini qap\u0131dan \u00e7\u0259km\u0259d\u0259n:<\/p>\n
– A bala, – dedi, – \u015f\u0259r qar\u0131\u015fan\u0131 n\u0259 qonaq? – K\u0259ndd\u0259 adam qal\u0131b ki, o and\u0131r qap\u0131n\u0131 a\u00e7a? \u00d6l\u0259n \u00f6l\u00fcb, qalanlar\u0131n\u0131 da… \u015f\u0259h\u0259r z\u0259li kimi soordu… \u00dc\u00e7 qon\u015fu k\u0259ndd\u0259 be\u015f-on adam qala-qalmaya… K\u0259nd\u0259-k\u0259s\u0259y\u0259 baxan n\u0259 g\u0259zir? Bala, bir vaxtlar \u015f\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 kef\u0259, g\u0259zib-dolanma\u011fa ged\u0259rdi k\u0259nd\u00e7i, indi bir par\u00e7a \u0259pp\u0259y dal\u0131nca… H\u0259r g\u00fcn, bax, burda oturub o \u00fcz\u00fc pis qap\u0131ya bax\u0131ram… Bax\u0131b fikirl\u0259\u015fir\u0259m ki, ilahi, o qap\u0131dan i\u00e7\u0259ri kiml\u0259r girm\u0259di, kiml\u0259r \u00e7\u0131xmad\u0131?.. H\u0259r g\u0259l\u0259n bir i\u015f\u0131q, bir sevinc g\u0259tirdi evim\u0259. Bu h\u0259y\u0259td\u0259n u\u015faq, b\u00f6y\u00fck s\u0259si k\u0259silm\u0259zdi. Ne\u00e7\u0259 toylar g\u00f6r\u00fcb bu h\u0259y\u0259t, \u015f\u0259nlikl\u0259r g\u00f6r\u00fcb… Atam bu qap\u0131dan m\u00fcharib\u0259y\u0259 gedib, m\u0259n, atan, bibil\u0259rin, r\u0259hm\u0259tlik \u0259min, s\u0259n d\u0259 burda do\u011fulmusan… Q\u0131z k\u00f6\u00e7\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m, g\u0259lin g\u0259tirmi\u015f\u0259m, n\u0259v\u0259 b\u00f6y\u00fctm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m… Han\u0131 b\u0259s? – Yol tutub getdil\u0259r. Bu balaca doqqazdan g\u00f6r ne\u00e7\u0259 yol \u015fax\u0259l\u0259ndi. Bir vaxtlar s\u0259s-k\u00fcyd\u0259n qulaq batard\u0131, indi d\u0259 s\u0259ssizlikd\u0259n… Arada o hay-h\u0259\u015fir\u0259 el\u0259 yerikliyir\u0259m ki?!. Ax\u0131 a\u011faclarla, da\u015f-divarla n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fm\u0259k olar?.. Bu boyda ev-e\u015fik, h\u0259y\u0259t-baca dar g\u0259lir m\u0259n\u0259… \u00d6l\u00fcm \u00e7\u0259r\u0259 d\u00f6nm\u00fc\u015f d\u0259, q\u0259h\u0259t\u0259 \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b, g\u0259lm\u0259k ist\u0259mir. N\u0259n\u0259nin, atan\u0131n q\u0259briyl\u0259 d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fib sakitl\u0259nir\u0259m.<\/p>\n
– S\u0259n arada k\u0259ndd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131x, ay baba, get rayona, havan\u0131 d\u0259yi\u015f. T\u0259k qalm\u0131san, onnand\u0131, dar\u0131x\u0131rsan.<\/p>\n
– Dar\u0131xmaq n\u0259di, \u00fcr\u0259yim \u00fcz\u00fcl\u00fcr e, a bala… \u00c7\u0131xma\u011f\u0131na \u00e7\u0131x\u0131ram, ay ba\u015f\u0131 pensiyam\u0131 alma\u011fa rayona gedir\u0259m. Pulu g\u00f6t\u00fcr\u00fcb k\u00f6hn\u0259 bazarda Qulamrzan\u0131n pitixanas\u0131na ba\u015f \u00e7\u0259kir\u0259m, hava qaralana qay\u0131d\u0131ram. – G\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yir. – Bir vaxtlar, he\u00e7 olmasa bir g\u00fcn, lap birc\u0259 saat t\u0259k-t\u0259nha qalma\u011f\u0131m\u0131, qulaq-ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131n sakit olmas\u0131n\u0131 o q\u0259d\u0259r ist\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m ki! \u0130ndi is\u0259 o bas\u0131r\u0131\u011f\u0131, a\u011f\u0131z dey\u0259ni qulaq e\u015fitm\u0259y\u0259n \u00e7a\u011flar\u0131 arzulay\u0131ram. T\u0259nhal\u0131q bezdiriciymi\u015f, bezdirici. – Diqq\u0259t v\u0259 maraqla dinl\u0259diyimi g\u00f6r\u0259n babam\u0131n \u00fcr\u0259yi a\u00e7\u0131lm\u0131\u015fd\u0131, dey\u0259s\u0259n. – N\u0259n\u0259n t\u0259z\u0259 r\u0259hm\u0259t\u0259 ged\u0259nd\u0259, q\u0131rxdan sonra ki, ham\u0131 \u00e7\u0259kildi \u00f6z evin\u0259, qald\u0131m t\u0259k-t\u0259nha. Bax, onda hal\u0131m qar\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131. Evin divarlar\u0131, h\u0259y\u0259t-baca a\u011fz\u0131n\u0131 \u0259jdaha kimi a\u00e7\u0131b \u00fcst\u00fcm\u0259 yeriyirdi, bir yerd\u0259 q\u0259rar tutmurdum. B\u0259z\u0259n tezd\u0259n durub p\u0259y\u0259y\u0259 girirdim, g\u00f6r\u00fcrd\u00fcm in\u0259yi sa\u011fmay\u0131b arvad, qalx\u0131rd\u0131m ev\u0259, q\u0131\u015fq\u0131r\u0131rd\u0131m ki, a zal\u0131m\u0131n q\u0131z\u0131, bu n\u0259 vaxt\u0131n yuxusudu, qalx, in\u0259yi sa\u011f ki, buzovu sal\u0131m alt\u0131na, hay vermirdi, hirsimd\u0259n \u00e7at\u0131 g\u00f6v\u015f\u0259yirdim, dal\u0131nca ota\u011fa girirdim… bax\u0131rd\u0131m ki, kiminl\u0259y\u0259m? Arvad n\u0259 g\u0259zir? Cumurdum qon\u015fuya ki, \u00e7a\u011f\u0131r\u0131m, ev\u0259 y\u0131\u011f\u0131\u015fs\u0131n, q\u0259fil yad\u0131ma d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcrd\u00fc ki, a ba\u015f\u0131 da\u015fl\u0131 axmaq qoca, o ged\u0259n yerd\u0259n h\u0259l\u0259 geri d\u00f6n\u0259n olmay\u0131b… Yoxlu\u011funa \u00f6yr\u0259\u015f\u0259 bilmirdim… H\u0259l\u0259 bu haras\u0131d\u0131, ne\u00e7\u0259 k\u0259r\u0259 gec\u0259 \u00fcr\u0259yimin sanc\u0131s\u0131ndan ay\u0131l\u0131b d\u0259rman ist\u0259mi\u015f\u0259m, durub, su g\u0259tirib, d\u0259rman verib, i\u00e7mi\u015f\u0259m, ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 k\u00f6rp\u0259 kimi tumarlay\u0131b, m\u0259n d\u0259 aln\u0131ndan \u00f6pm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m, t\u0259z\u0259d\u0259n ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 at\u0131b yatm\u0131\u015fam, s\u0259h\u0259r duranda g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015f\u0259m yerind\u0259 yoxdu, haylam\u0131\u015fam, dal\u0131nca h\u0259y\u0259t\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xm\u0131\u015fam… Dem\u0259, yuxuymu\u015f ham\u0131s\u0131, ay bala, yuxu. Cavanl\u0131\u011f\u0131mda he\u00e7 yuxu-zad g\u00f6rm\u0259zdim, t\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr edirs\u0259n?..<\/p>\n
K\u00f6vr\u0259lmi\u015fdi babam. Onun boynuna sar\u0131ld\u0131m.<\/p>\n
– Dem\u0259li, s\u0259n d\u0259 gedirs\u0259n, – dedi, – qalacam t\u0259k bu \u00fcz\u00fc d\u00f6n\u00fck d\u00fcnyada.<\/p>\n
– H\u0259, babacan, – dedim, getm\u0259liy\u0259m, – bel\u0259 yax\u015f\u0131d\u0131. Ham\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn…<\/p>\n
– “Ham\u0131 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn…”. Bar\u0131 ist\u0259diyin, y\u0259ni sevdiyin varm\u0131 orda, h\u0259?<\/p>\n
– Harda, baba? – \u00d6z\u00fcm\u00fc lap qanmazl\u0131\u011fa qoymu\u015fdum. Babam y\u00fcng\u00fclc\u0259 ah \u00e7\u0259kib q\u0131m\u0131\u015fd\u0131, “ay yaramaz” deyib ovcunun i\u00e7iyl\u0259 ba\u015f\u0131m\u0131 tumarlad\u0131, sa\u00e7lar\u0131m\u0131 qar\u0131\u015fd\u0131rd\u0131.<\/p>\n
– Orda daa, – dedi, – n\u0259 bilim hara gedirs\u0259n? Orda – can atd\u0131\u011f\u0131n yerd\u0259… Olmasayd\u0131, bel\u0259 havalanmazd\u0131n… M\u0259ni qand\u0131rma, ay o\u011ful, iki il az deyil, dinc oturmazsan, bilir\u0259m. Bir d\u0259 ki, qan\u0131m\u0131zdad\u0131 n\u0259sillikc\u0259n… R\u0259hm\u0259tlik n\u0259n\u0259n dan\u0131\u015fmam\u0131\u015f olmaz, y\u0259qin. E\u015fitm\u0259mis\u0259ns\u0259, qulaq as. Ax\u0131 s\u0259nin ulu baban – m\u0259nim atam, m\u00fcharib\u0259y\u0259 ged\u0259nd\u0259 m\u0259n h\u0259l\u0259 do\u011fulmam\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, \u00fc\u00e7-d\u00f6rd ayl\u0131\u011famm\u0131\u015f anam\u0131n boynunda… M\u00fcharib\u0259 \u015fo\u011f\u0259rib, ba\u015flayanda el\u0259 bilibl\u0259r bir-iki aya nemesin pay\u0131n verib qay\u0131dacaqlar. Ay-hay!.. \u00c7ox arxay\u0131n imi\u015fl\u0259r. Gedib, iki il vuru\u015fub, plen d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb, ordan qa\u00e7\u0131b, Macar\u0131standa partizanlara qo\u015fulub, ta q\u0131rx \u00fc\u00e7\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r… Q\u0131rx \u00fc\u00e7d\u0259 qara ka\u011f\u0131z\u0131 g\u0259libmi\u015f anama, inanmay\u0131b, ka\u011f\u0131z\u0131 gizl\u0259dib, g\u00f6z ya\u015f\u0131 da t\u00f6km\u0259yib, deyib o, \u00f6l\u0259 bilm\u0259z, \u00f6ls\u0259ydi m\u0259n hiss ed\u0259rdim… D\u00fcz deyirmi\u015f anam. Hiss edibmi\u015f. \u0130nan\u0131rsan, \u00f6lm\u0259yibmi\u015f … 82-ci ild\u0259 sa\u011f oldu\u011funu bildik, dem\u0259, \u0130taliyada ya\u015fay\u0131rm\u0131\u015f, \u00fc\u00e7 q\u0131z\u0131, bir o\u011flu da varm\u0131\u015f… G\u0259lm\u0259k ist\u0259yib, anam raz\u0131 olmay\u0131b, ki\u015finin ail\u0259si harda, \u00f6z\u00fc d\u0259 orda olmal\u0131d\u0131 deyibmi\u015f… M\u0259ni g\u00f6rm\u0259k, ordak\u0131 u\u015faqlar\u0131yla tan\u0131\u015f etm\u0259k ist\u0259yib, anam unut bizi, deyib, he\u00e7 \u015f\u0259klimi d\u0259 yollamay\u0131b… Uzun ill\u0259r sa\u011f oldu\u011funu bildirm\u0259diyi arvada yer el\u0259mi\u015fdi. T\u0259s\u0259vv\u00fcr edirs\u0259n, s\u0259n sevdiyin adam\u0131n gizlin-gizlin yas\u0131n\u0131 saxlay\u0131b d\u0259rd \u00e7\u0259kirs\u0259n, o is\u0259 d\u00fcnyan\u0131n o ba\u015f\u0131nda kefind\u0259-kifay\u0259tind\u0259 rahatca ya\u015fay\u0131r, s\u0259sini bel\u0259 \u00e7\u0131xarmadan… Kinliydi anam, \u00e7ox kinli… \u00d6l\u0259n\u0259c\u0259n d\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131\u015flamad\u0131 atam\u0131…<\/p>\n
Babam bayaqdan dan\u0131\u015fa-dan\u0131\u015fa g\u00f6zl\u0259rini doqqazdan \u00e7\u0259kmir, daha n\u0259 fikirl\u0259\u015firdi, bir Allah bilirdi. Q\u0259fil \u00fcz\u00fcm\u0259 bax\u0131b:<\/p>\n
– \u00dcr\u0259yini bo\u015faltsayd\u0131n, y\u00fcng\u00fcll\u0259\u015f\u0259rdin, ay o\u011ful. G\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259m ax\u0131, bo\u011fulub durmusan, amma babanla b\u00f6l\u00fc\u015fm\u0259k ist\u0259mirs\u0259n… \u018fg\u0259r m\u0259s\u0259l\u0259 bu q\u0259d\u0259r ciddidis\u0259… Ged\u0259ni saxlamaq, g\u0259l\u0259ni qovlamaq g\u00fcnahd\u0131, \u0259lb\u0259tt\u0259, \u0259g\u0259r ged\u0259n d\u00fcz yola \u00e7\u0131x\u0131rsa, g\u0259l\u0259n d\u0259 xain deyils\u0259…<\/p>\n
Bir xeyli susduq. Babam da m\u0259nim kimi dilinin alt\u0131nda s\u00f6z qovururdu. Ax\u0131r ki, dindi:<\/p>\n
– G\u0259r\u0259k anan bel\u0259 el\u0259m\u0259y\u0259ydi… El\u0259m\u0259y\u0259ydi… T\u0259klik pis \u015feydi, bilir\u0259m… Anam d\u0259d\u0259min qara ka\u011f\u0131z\u0131n\u0131 alanda n\u0259 ya\u015f\u0131 vard\u0131 ki? Cavan, g\u00f6z\u0259l-g\u00f6y\u00e7\u0259k… \u00d6z\u00fc demi\u015f, \u00e7oxu d\u0259rdind\u0259n \u00f6l\u00fcrm\u00fc\u015f k\u0259ndd\u0259, g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcn d\u0259 qocal\u0131\u011f\u0131n, o ya\u015f\u0131nda da qam\u0259ti \u0259yilm\u0259mi\u015fdi, amma \u0259r\u0259 getm\u0259yib, min zill\u0259tn\u0259n m\u0259ni b\u00f6y\u00fcd\u00fcb, oxudub, adam el\u0259yib. \u00d6mr\u00fc boyu g\u00f6z\u00fc he\u00e7 kimin \u0259lind\u0259 qalmad\u0131 arvad\u0131n, halall\u0131qla ya\u015fad\u0131, \u0259rinin oca\u011f\u0131na l\u0259k\u0259 g\u0259tirm\u0259di… Eeh!.. M\u0259n he\u00e7, amma s\u0259ni \u0259zm\u0259y\u0259ydi, tapday\u0131b ke\u00e7m\u0259y\u0259ydi g\u0259r\u0259k… \u00dcr\u0259yin doludu, g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259m. Amma susursan… i\u00e7ind\u0259 \u00e7\u0259kirs\u0259n… N\u0259l\u0259r \u00e7\u0259kdiyini m\u0259n d\u0259 qanmasam, kim qanacaq?.. D\u0259rd el\u0259m\u0259 \u00f6z\u00fcn\u0259… Boyuna qurban olum, indi yol \u00fcst\u0259s\u0259n, a\u011fl\u0131ndan ba\u015fqa \u015feyl\u0259r ke\u00e7m\u0259sin haa!.. Day olan olub… Bir d\u0259 ki, bel\u0259 baxanda, poz\u011fun olmay\u0131b, x\u0259yan\u0259t el\u0259m\u0259yib, \u0259rinin, s\u0259nin ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 yer\u0259 soxmay\u0131b, ira\u011f-ira\u011f… Dem\u0259li, taleyimizl\u0259 bar\u0131\u015fmal\u0131y\u0131q… S\u0259n olar\u0131 tap\u015f\u0131r Allaha. \u00d6l\u00fcm-itim d\u00fcnyas\u0131d\u0131, bil. Qism\u0259td\u0259n art\u0131q yem\u0259k olmur, qurban s\u0259n\u0259… Bu da bizim qism\u0259t pay\u0131m\u0131zd\u0131…<\/p>\n
Bilirdim, babam di\u015fiyl\u0259 ba\u011f\u0131rsa\u011f\u0131n\u0131 g\u0259mir\u0259-g\u0259mir\u0259 bunlar\u0131 m\u0259ni sakitl\u0259\u015fdirm\u0259k, ovundurmaq \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn deyirdi, \u00fcr\u0259yind\u0259 is\u0259 ba\u015fqa \u015feyl\u0259r fikirl\u0259\u015firdi. Tamam ba\u015fqa \u015feyl\u0259r…<\/p>\n
– Yormad\u0131m s\u0259ni?<\/p>\n
– Yox, ay baba, s\u0259nd\u0259n doymaq olur ki?..<\/p>\n
– Baba s\u0259n\u0259 qurban. Harda olursan-ol, baban\u0131 yaddan \u00e7\u0131xartma. Arada yad\u0131na sal ki, bir da\u011f ba\u015f\u0131nda, u\u00e7uq komada h\u0259mi\u015f\u0259 s\u0259n\u0259 dualar ed\u0259n sarsaq bir qoca var…<\/p>\n
– Dar\u0131xacam s\u0259nin\u00e7in, baba… \u00e7ox dar\u0131xacam.<\/p>\n
Babam\u0131 yenid\u0259n qucaqlad\u0131m. Ki\u015fi k\u00f6vr\u0259ls\u0259 d\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259ri g\u00fcl\u00fcrd\u00fc.<\/p>\n
– Yalan dan\u0131\u015fma, ordak\u0131lar qoymaz dar\u0131xma\u011fa, – eyhamla deyib samovara iki tala\u015fa atanda bildim ki, babam\u0131n s\u00f6z\u00fc h\u0259l\u0259 bitm\u0259yib, n\u0259s\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259k, \u00e7ay bir b\u0259han\u0259di, – N\u0259 sirdis\u0259, a bala, Rusy\u0259t\u0259 ged\u0259nl\u0259r be\u015f g\u00fcnl\u00fck ad\u0131yla evd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131x\u0131r, ancaq ill\u0259rl\u0259 geri d\u00f6nm\u00fcrl\u0259r. Oralar\u0131n suyunda n\u0259s\u0259 var. – Bic-bic q\u0131m\u0131\u015fd\u0131. – Niy\u0259sini bilm\u0259mi\u015f olmazsan, iril\u0259nmis\u0259n tay… H\u0259, m\u0259n qocadan s\u0259n\u0259 bir v\u0259siyy\u0259t, deyim, qula\u011f\u0131nda s\u0131r\u011fa el\u0259. Bizim vaxtlara a\u011fl\u0131n getm\u0259sin e, arxay\u0131n\u00e7\u0131l\u0131\u011f, ba\u015f-qula\u011f\u0131m\u0131z dinc idi, ac da deyildik, g\u00f6z\u00fcm\u00fcz onun-bunun t\u0259kn\u0259sind\u0259 qalmazd\u0131, kim\u0259s\u0259 m\u00f6htac olmazd\u0131q… \u0130ndi ba\u015fqa zamanad\u0131, sabah n\u0259 olacaq bilm\u0259k olmur, \u00e7ox \u00e7\u0259tindi, ba\u015f \u00e7\u0131xarma\u011fa ba\u015f laz\u0131md\u0131. H\u0259r\u0259 bir kaprativ a\u00e7\u0131b tacirriy el\u0259yir. Bilmirl\u0259r ki, h\u0259r b\u0131\u011f\u0131na ya\u011f \u00e7\u0259k\u0259nd\u0259n b\u0259y olmur. Tacirriy d\u0259 b\u0259ylik kimidi, g\u0259r\u0259k qan\u0131nda ola… Bax, \u0259g\u0259r i\u015fin taraz g\u0259tirdi, \u0259lin\u0259 pul, var-d\u00f6vl\u0259t ke\u00e7di, m\u0259bada qudurasan, he\u00e7 vaxt pula, vara qul olma, oldun, kuman y\u0131x\u0131ld\u0131!.. Ora q\u00fcrb\u0259tdi, n\u0259 q\u0259d\u0259r rahat da olsan, i\u015fl\u0259rin ya\u011f kimi gets\u0259 d\u0259, bil, q\u00fcrb\u0259t el\u0259 q\u00fcrb\u0259tdi. \u00c7al\u0131\u015f \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259yini yediyin torpa\u011f\u0131n dilin\u0259, ad\u0259tin\u0259, dinin\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259tl\u0259 yana\u015f ki, s\u0259n\u0259 d\u0259 h\u00f6rm\u0259t etsinl\u0259r. Bunu ed\u0259 bilm\u0259y\u0259c\u0259ks\u0259ns\u0259 qay\u0131t geri. \u00c7\u00fcnki sevilm\u0259diyin, sev\u0259 bilm\u0259diyin xalq\u0131n torpa\u011f\u0131nda ya\u015famaq \u0259sl i\u015fg\u0259nc\u0259di… Qanunlar\u0131n\u0131 \u00f6yr\u0259n. Dost qazan, \u0259sl dost… \u0130\u00e7m\u0259!.. – Tutke\u015fi qald\u0131r\u0131b sin\u0259dolusu \u00fcfl\u0259di, tala\u015falar al\u0131\u015fm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 onsuz da, el\u0259 bil s\u00f6hb\u0259tini daha k\u0259s\u0259rli etm\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn fasil\u0259 verir, m\u0259ni h\u0259y\u0259canda saxlay\u0131rd\u0131 babam. – Onu dey\u0259c\u0259ydim ax\u0131, M\u00fcrs\u0259l ki\u015finin \u00fc\u00e7 o\u011flu getmi\u015fdi Rusy\u0259t\u0259. S\u0259n tan\u0131mazsan… A\u011f\u0131ll\u0131-ba\u015fl\u0131 u\u015faq idil\u0259r, valla. \u018fn az\u0131ndan, k\u0259ndd\u0259 olanda bir \u015f\u0259r\u0259\u015furru\u011flar\u0131, \u0259yri \u0259m\u0259ll\u0259ri qula\u011f\u0131ma \u00e7atmay\u0131b… Noolsun? E\u015fitdiyimd\u0259m, b\u00f6y\u00fck g\u0259d\u0259si bir arvada ili\u015fib, y\u0259ni ya\u015fay\u0131rm\u0131\u015f da onunla… Qarda\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 da apar\u0131b yan\u0131na. Bazarda alver edirl\u0259rmi\u015f. Bizimkil\u0259rin d\u0259 \u00e7oxu hara getdi, lap Yaponiyaya, d\u00fcz-\u0259m\u0259lli \u015fey \u00f6yr\u0259nm\u0259z, alverd\u0259n ba\u015fqa… H\u0259, qazand\u0131qlar\u0131n\u0131 b\u00f6y\u00fcy\u0259 verirl\u0259r, o da x\u0259rcliyini ay\u0131r\u0131b qalan\u0131n\u0131 arvad\u0131na verirmi\u015f saxlama\u011fa. Bir aym\u0131, be\u015f aym\u0131 bel\u0259c\u0259 dolan\u0131blar, ax\u0131rda arvad\u0131 dil\u0259 g\u0259lib ki, b\u0259s, qarda\u015flar\u0131n n\u0259 vaxtacan m\u0259nim evimd\u0259 qalacaq, rahat ola bilmir\u0259m, bura yataqxana-zadd\u0131, adam kimi sevi\u015f\u0259 d\u0259 bilmirik, de, \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b getsinl\u0259r… Bel\u0259c\u0259 incik d\u00fc\u015f\u00fcb ayr\u0131l\u0131blar, h\u0259r\u0259 bir yana… Arif var e, tan\u0131y\u0131rsan, ya yox, d\u0259d\u0259nin sinif yolda\u015f\u0131yd\u0131, xurma aparm\u0131\u015fd\u0131 Rusy\u0259t\u0259, orda rast\u0131na \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b balacas\u0131, pis g\u00fcnd\u0259ymi\u015f Arifin dem\u0259yind\u0259n, yaz\u0131\u011f\u0131 g\u0259lib, \u0259vv\u0259lc\u0259 ma\u011fazadan pal-paltar al\u0131b, sonra apar\u0131b hamama, pak el\u0259yib, ald\u0131\u011f\u0131 \u0259yin-ba\u015f\u0131 geyindirib, h\u0259l\u0259 pul da verib… Deyir qay\u0131dan ba\u015f\u0131 rast\u0131na \u00e7\u0131x\u0131b, yen\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fc\u015f\u00fcbl\u0259r, qulaq g\u00fcnahkar\u0131yam, yan\u0131nda olmam\u0131\u015fam, and i\u00e7irdi ki, el\u0259 k\u00f6hn\u0259, \u00e7irkli paltar\u0131ndayd\u0131, ald\u0131qlar\u0131n\u0131 da d\u0259y\u0259r-d\u0259ym\u0259zin\u0259 sat\u0131b veribmi\u015f ara\u011fa… Deyib atan yataq x\u0259st\u0259sidi, yalvar-yaxar g\u0259tirm\u0259k ist\u0259yib bura, raz\u0131 olmub, qay\u0131d\u0131b ki, n\u0259 \u00fczl\u0259 gedim k\u0259nd\u0259, qarda\u015flar\u0131n\u0131 soru\u015fub, deyib bilmir\u0259m hardad\u0131lar… Bax, bel\u0259… Q\u00fcrb\u0259t adamlar\u0131 bel\u0259 udur-bataql\u0131q kimi… Qurban olum, q\u0259rib eld\u0259 ad\u0131m\u0131za layiq ya\u015fa. Bacarmasan, utanma, qay\u0131t m\u0259nim yan\u0131ma, birt\u0259h\u0259r dolanar\u0131q… Bacarsan, \u0259n \u0259sas\u0131 pula qul olma, qoy pul s\u0259nin qulun olsun. H\u0259r \u015fey h\u0259dd\u0259n art\u0131q olanda insana f\u0259lak\u0259t g\u0259tir\u0259r. Ehtiyac\u0131n olan\u0131 al, yey\u0259 bil\u0259c\u0259yini ye… Bir d\u0259, \u0259n \u00e7\u0259tin anlarda, \u00e7\u0131x\u0131lmaz v\u0259ziyy\u0259td\u0259 \u00fcr\u0259yin\u0259 qulaq as, \u0259n do\u011fru yolu o s\u0259n\u0259 dey\u0259c\u0259k. \u0130nan, \u00fcr\u0259k safd\u0131sa, aldatmaz…<\/p>\n
Susub ovucunun i\u00e7iyl\u0259 g\u00f6zl\u0259rini ovxalad\u0131. K\u00f6vr\u0259k, a\u011flamaqdan doymu\u015f g\u00f6zl\u0259rini bel\u0259c\u0259 gizl\u0259dirdi babam…<\/p>\n
– Yordum s\u0259ni. Dur, yerini salm\u0131\u015fam, gecdi, get yat, yola yor\u011fun \u00e7\u0131xmayasan…<\/p>\n
***<\/p>\n
…G\u00f6y \u00fcz\u00fc \u00e7oxdan a\u00e7\u0131lsa da, n\u0259 xoruzlar banlad\u0131, n\u0259 qoyun-quzu m\u0259l\u0259\u015fdi, n\u0259 d\u0259 atlar ki\u015fn\u0259di… D\u0259ni sovrulmu\u015f d\u0259yirman idi k\u0259nd.<\/p>\n
Hiss etdim ki, babam m\u0259ni \u0259libo\u015f yola sald\u0131\u011f\u0131na g\u00f6r\u0259 m\u0259yusdu. Gileyl\u0259ndi ki, di\u015f\u0259 \u00e7\u0259km\u0259li he\u00e7 n\u0259 yoxdu xarabada, cavanlar \u00e7\u00f6r\u0259k dal\u0131ycan \u015f\u0259h\u0259r\u0259 \u00fcz tutandan k\u0259ndin basarat\u0131 ba\u011flan\u0131b, ba\u011f-ba\u011fat bax\u0131ms\u0131z qal\u0131b, Allaha and olsun, bel\u0259 gets\u0259 k\u0259ndd\u0259ki h\u0259y\u0259tl\u0259rd\u0259 t\u0259k-t\u00fck salamat qalan a\u011fac\u0131 da qurd i\u00e7ind\u0259n yeyib qurudacaq. S\u0259n\u0259 zarafat g\u0259lm\u0259sin, ax\u0131 bu sortlar d\u00fcnyan\u0131n he\u00e7 bir yerind\u0259 yeti\u015fmir? Baxan olmasa, on ild\u0259n sonra bu mer-meyv\u0259ni ancaq kinolarda g\u00f6r\u0259rs\u0259n, o da yolka oyunca\u011f\u0131 kimi \u0259ld\u0259qay\u0131rma…<\/p>\n
\u00c7iyin-\u00e7iyin\u0259 q\u0259biristanl\u0131\u011fa \u00fcz tutduq. N\u0259n\u0259ml\u0259 atam\u0131n q\u0259birini son d\u0259f\u0259 ziyar\u0259t edib vidala\u015fd\u0131m. Qay\u0131dan ba\u015f\u0131 babam d\u0259rin ah \u00e7\u0259kdi. Baxd\u0131m ki, ki\u015fi ba\u015f\u0131n\u0131 a\u015fa\u011f\u0131 sal\u0131b a\u011f\u0131r-a\u011f\u0131r n\u0259f\u0259s al\u0131r. \u0130lk d\u0259f\u0259 g\u00f6r\u00fcr\u0259mmi\u015f kimi ona baxd\u0131m: yaman \u0259f\u0259ll\u0259mi\u015fdi babam… Dil\u0259 g\u0259tirm\u0259s\u0259 d\u0259 can\u0131 il\u0259 \u0259ll\u0259\u015fdiyi hiss olunurdu. Yataq ota\u011f\u0131ndak\u0131 dolab\u0131n \u00fcst\u00fcnd\u0259 c\u00fcr\u0259b\u0259c\u00fcr\u0259 d\u0259rmanlar\u0131 ax\u015fam \u00f6z\u00fcm g\u00f6rm\u00fc\u015fd\u00fcm. Onun ba\u011fa-bostana baxan hal\u0131 n\u0259 g\u0259zirdi. \u00d6z dediyim\u0259 inanmasam da, t\u0259skinlik\u00a0 \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn dilucu dedim:<\/p>\n
– Gec-tez \u015f\u0259h\u0259rd\u0259n bez\u0259nl\u0259r qay\u0131dacaqlar k\u0259nd\u0259, onda a\u011faca baxan tap\u0131lacaq, \u00fcr\u0259yini \u00fczm\u0259, \u00f6z\u00fcnd\u0259n mu\u011fayat ol, ay baba. – Onu qucaqlad\u0131m, vidala\u015f\u0131b k\u0259ndd\u0259n \u00e7\u0131xd\u0131m. K\u00f6vr\u0259l\u0259c\u0259yini g\u00f6rm\u0259m\u0259k \u00fc\u00e7\u00fcn d\u00f6n\u00fcb geriy\u0259 d\u0259 baxmad\u0131m. Bilirdim ki, arxada uca-uca da\u011flar, bo\u015f k\u0259nd, bir d\u0259 divarlar\u0131n\u0131n suva\u011f\u0131 qopub t\u00f6k\u00fcl\u0259n komada arxamca dualar oxuyub \u00f6l\u00fcm\u00fcn\u00fc g\u00f6zl\u0259y\u0259n bir qoca qald\u0131…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00d6l\u00fcl\u0259r s\u00f6hb\u0259tcil olmasa da, yax\u015f\u0131 dinl\u0259yicidi. Bel\u0259c\u0259, atamla xeyli d\u0259rdl\u0259\u015fdim, el\u0259 bil ki\u015fi diriydi, s\u0259ssiz-s\u0259mirsiz dayan\u0131b dinl\u0259yir m\u0259ni. \u00dcr\u0259yimi a\u00e7\u0131b Tamara bar\u0259d\u0259, u\u015faq bar\u0259d\u0259 dan\u0131\u015fd\u0131m, q\u0259rar\u0131m\u0131z ciddidi, b\u0259lk\u0259 evl\u0259ndik dey\u0259, xeyir-duas\u0131n\u0131 ist\u0259dim. Susurdu, dem\u0259li, raz\u0131yd\u0131. Q\u0259rib\u0259di, xat\u0131rlad\u0131\u011f\u0131m q\u0259d\u0259r atam b\u00fct\u00fcn \u015f\u0259kill\u0259rind\u0259 \u00e7ox z\u0259hmli, qaraqaba\u011f d\u00fc\u015f\u0259rdi, amma, n\u0259d\u0259ns\u0259, ba\u015fda\u015f\u0131ndak\u0131 \u015f\u0259kild\u0259 g\u00fcl\u00fcms\u0259yirdi. B\u0259lk\u0259 m\u0259n\u0259 el\u0259 g\u0259lirdi? \u018flb\u0259tt\u0259, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":394,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20],"tags":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts\/393"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=393"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts\/393\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":395,"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/posts\/393\/revisions\/395"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/media\/394"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=393"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=393"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/dilimizvarligimiz.az\/api\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=393"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}